Picture this: COP29 is the annual climate circus where world leaders come together to throw their weight behind carbon emissions. Like a muscle car that consumes premium gas. Next comes the highlight: Azerbaijani President Ilham Aliyev steps up to the microphone and declares that oil and gas are “God's gift to his country.”
You can't make this up. It's like hosting a vegetarian potluck and having the guest of honor arrive with a plate of prime rib.
Petro-state 'climate' meeting
Let’s start with the hilarious venue choice. Azerbaijan is one of the countries where crude oil is more than just a commodity, it is actually a national sport. Hosting COP29 in Baku is akin to hosting a Weight Watchers meeting in a donut shop. Yet global climate elites packed their bags and flew to the land of hydrocarbons to listen to speeches about the catastrophe we all face if we ban the very things that keep Azerbaijan alive.
Apparently, this irony was lost on no one except the organizers of COP29.
Aliyev's sermon on Crude Mountain
When Aliyev took the stage, he not only dipped his toe into the pool of hypocrisy; He cannonballed into it. Declaring oil and gas a gift from God, he essentially said to the climate warriors in the room: “Thank you for coming, but we're going to keep drilling and pumping and exporting, so deal with it.”
It's like Jeff Bezos showing up at a workers' rights conference to brag about Amazon's record profits. The room may smell like burnt hypocrisy.
Aliyev even managed to throw shade at Europe, pointing out that their energy “security” easily outpaced their green ambitions. He believes Azerbaijan is simply feeding Europe's insatiable demand for gas because, you know, someone has to keep the power going. Subtext? “We're keeping you from freezing, so maybe you'll feel the cold to blame from the climate.”
The absence of big guns
Notably, major world leaders were absent from the meeting, a snub that suggested even they could not bear the irony. Or maybe they are too busy figuring out how to reconcile their net-zero commitments with their growing dependence on oil-rich countries like Azerbaijan. Either way, hypocrisy cuts both ways.
When Europe signed a gas supply deal with Azerbaijan, it wasn't quite a secret handshake but an open admission that their climate goals were aspirational at best. Aliyev just spoke out, and honestly, it was good for him. If you're going to play this game, at least own it.
Hypocrisy disguised as diplomacy
Let’s not pretend this is a one-sided farce. Western representatives who flew to Baku on private jets to waver on emissions were equally hypocritical. They sat there, nodding politely as Aliyev defended fossil fuels while silently wishing he would keep shipping the sweet natural gas their way. After all, what’s a little cognitive dissonance when there’s an energy crisis to solve?
Lessons from Contradictions
The entire episode is a monument to the contradictions of modern climate policy. We are told that fossil fuels are evil—unless they come from strategically important allies, in which case they suddenly become a necessary evil. We are told to drive electric cars and install solar panels, while the people who set these rules continue to fly around the world to cut deals with oil exporters.
Aliyev's speech at COP29 not only underscored the irony; It poured crude oil on it and lit it on fire. For this we should thank him. His unabashed embrace of reality—even selfish ones—is refreshingly different from the usual didactic mumbo jumbo.
takeout
Azerbaijan's hosting of COP29 is a perfect example of why no one takes these climate conferences seriously anymore. They are not out to save the planet; Their purpose is to play politics, appease donors and virtue-signal on the global stage. Aliyev's speech was a reminder that behind all lofty rhetoric lies a host of contradictions.
Cheers to Azerbaijan and its “God-given” oil and gas. At least they're honest about where their bread is buttered—or in this case, where their pipes are laid. COP 29? A masterclass in sarcasm, incompetence and hypocrisy that will make you want to laugh and cry. marvelous.
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