NOAA's Hilo office is facing a warehouse, and the sky is falling (apparently) – Where is Watt?

Oh, human! The New York Times has uncovered apocalyptic scandal: The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) may close its offices in the city of Hilo, which oversees the Mauna Loa Observatory. Yes, that Mauna Loa – the one with a peculiar keel curve that has been tracking CO2 since 1958. Prompt for violin.

The story was scraped from internal federal documents, such as some sort of Waiki decryption, warning that the Hilo office could have been closed as early as August. Why? Because Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) proposed cutting 793 federal leases to save $500 million. This post is less than 0.1% of the 2025 defense budget, and Tut-Tuts seems to be a cent for the government. It doesn't matter, these offices may be ghost towns, abandoned by distant bureaucrats who would rather zoom in from Lanais than to zoom in. No, it's a crisis because of the reasons.

The Times will twist hands on the fate of the observatory, but here is the kicking: evidence that Mauna Loa's CO2 monitor will stop buzzing. No one said the instruments were pulled out, and it was just one of the 30 NOAA buildings on the Doge's popular list, probably not needed. Maybe it is possible to manage data from servers in Colorado? Or someone’s basement laptop? But no, we were told that this is “the pole star of global scientific research” and without Hilo rental, the “eyes” of the earth will be dug out. Curves's son Ralph Keeling calls it “important baseline data.” Of course, Ralph, but what is crucial? Endless climate meetings and gloss charts?

The real spice for this article comes from its dissatisfied ex-Noaya. Janet Coit, former assistant administrator for NOAA fisheries, is worried that if the lease is over, staff may not know “whether they have an office or have access to the necessary equipment”. As employees “work” remotely, these offices are more likely to be empty, and some may take a second job.

Meanwhile, NOAA meteorologist John Bateman regrets the end of the monthly climate briefing – there are 1,300 wasted and 1,000 more. It sounds like a more exquisite operation, but to hear the story of the times, this is the end of civilization. Who will send out precipitation reports from all of us at breakfast?

Then there is Karoline Leavitt, White House Press Secretary, who offers the best Zinger for the story. When asked for comments, she rekindled:

“Political, we won’t respond to reporters with our own BIOS pronouns.”

burn. Of course, Time plays it directly, but you can almost hear the reporter's keyboard slapping in indignation. Whether there are pronouns or not, the lack of juicy quotes puts the piece on allusions – from spreadsheets to the comprehensive madness of climate science.

Naturally, this article cannot resist mandatory climate change sermons. That rising keel curve? It “warmed the atmosphere” and led to “more frequent, intense extreme weather events such as heat waves, floods and wildfires”. No data, no attribution research – just atmosphere. That's OK, connecting CO2 to a specific storm is a statistically distorted game, even IPCC plays COY. But why let facts ruin a good narrative?

So here we are: A story of a Hawaiian office facing an axe, spinning for the struggle of “climate science” – those noble hunters might call taxpayer-funded Navel-Gaizing. Times wants you to believe that every lease termination is the core of progress, each cutting down on the betrayal of the planet. However, the observatory is still running, the curve is still bent, and the only thing that is really threatened seems to be the ego of some former employees. Maybe Doge is doing something – fat, keeping data. Maybe it's just a plot that makes us miss the next PowerPoint in South Sudan's heatwave. Either way, the sky will not fall. There is not much confusion about rent checks.

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